| so much. |
[Oct. 7th, 2008|12:25 am] |
| [ | |
| |  depressed | ] |
has happend...its a lil too late for me to mention it all...i'll doo it 2maro.
but once again a sad post.
it sucks when all you wanted, all you try'd and were determined for...ended up in somebody elses hands.
I swore i was over it. and now that its official together, my heart just broke...blah............... i hate how i dwell so much on him, its been way too fucking long for this kid shit. I have so much more positive things/ppl to look forward too...i wish i wasnt human and didnt feel so much.
another girl's taking my credit, getting all i wanted...really sucks. and tears me in fucking two.
now that im loosing all my weight, and having so much going for myself, i'd figure he would have considered me, but nonetheless i never did match his expectations or ideal girl.
my self-confidence is once again shot down. i hate this side of me, im fresh im 18, yet dwelling on bullshit.
on a positive note, my official driving test is 2maro...wish me luuuck =]]
peace out lj! |
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| im over myself.. |
[Mar. 10th, 2008|09:22 pm] |
|
no more eating.. im disgusted of my weight...blah insecurities to the max! |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Feb. 6th, 2008|07:21 pm] |
i just dont really care at all anYMORE.
ughhhhhh
dreading the fuk out of everything!
seriously...
Andrews a bitch, everyones a bitch..wat the fuck is new?! |
|
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| i appplied too |
[Dec. 2nd, 2007|01:40 pm] |
UCSB, CSULB, UCI,UCR,CSUN....and LMU...
shhhit will c what happen =] |
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|
| blah |
[Dec. 2nd, 2007|01:37 pm] |
i fucking hate sundays..there boring and lame. I wanna head off to the mall... my fucking mom and sister are ridiculously stupid... i dont want nething to do with them anymore. I hate them both, pieces of shit can never do anything for me, i hate thi shit.
i need new friends, new fam, and a new life. |
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|
| FUK |
[Oct. 13th, 2007|07:19 pm] |
| [ | |
| |  annoyed | ] |
does it get ne boring!! its such a drag being hommmmmmmmmmmmmmmme!
blah, anyways today me and my sister faught...tell me about it! BULLLSHIT, fukn bitch man she made my lip swell and bleed. I just wanna go out and feeel fucking goood!. |
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| sighhhhhh |
[Aug. 7th, 2007|10:14 pm] |
| [ | |
| |  curious | ] |
| [ | this place is a prison |
| | jorges room. | ] |
im about 17yrs old already...its starting to kik in...im almost an adult, im almost in college,and most of all im scared. Ive been waiting and waiting for this moment, this time, to be a SENIOR period....its all comming so fast....time can u slow down? let me breathe.
andrews....getting to me =x stoppppppppppppppppppp.
slow you're roll. Snap out of it, just a daze. |
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|
| comfort |
[Aug. 6th, 2007|10:33 pm] |
| [ | |
| | jealous | ] |
oh how i miss it....where are u?! |
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|
| melancholy |
[Jul. 21st, 2007|12:05 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | room | ] |
| [ | |
| | crushed | ] |
| [ | this place is a prison |
| | lost ones. | ] |
whats wrong with me?...insecurities never fail...always stuck in the same mode.. i fuck up things so much,god i have this tendency to push whoever or whatever away from me, and i dont even realize it...i dont blame him for the grudges he has against me...i was real immature when he met me.....blah have i not redeemed myself? i swear i love him.
= [....i just said love. this feeling around him is just inevitable......but he makes things clear, i dont even gotta ask.
andrews .....in my thoughts alot...randomly.. wierd...maybe hes thinkin about me.
blahawh
slap me |
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| hurt. |
[Jun. 28th, 2007|12:10 am] |
self explanatory
thats it im done.. no more. |
|
|
| blah |
[Jun. 26th, 2007|12:33 pm] |
| [ | |
| | crappy | ] |
| [ | this place is a prison |
| | smokey robinson | ] |
i just feel like shit...on daily bases. I hate this... honestly feel like somethings wrong with me.
stress stresss stress. |
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|
| (no subject) |
[Jun. 26th, 2007|12:21 am] |
|
im stupid...nuff said. |
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|
| updating once again. |
[Jun. 26th, 2007|12:15 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | h. | ] |
| [ | |
| |  blank | ] |
| [ | this place is a prison |
| | mae. | ] |
just arrived back...not in the best of moods, but then again when is anybody? not really sure....i guess theres just those days when things dont go exactly as planned, and you just feel like shit. Im upset, i did nothng to her and she just yells at me as if i did. I hate how i get lectured on stupid shit...about getting pregnant...fucking around with boys. its fucking ridiculous, i already know my wrongs from rights..etc etc and im always treated as if i dont know, when actually I DO. Im basically fucking 17 i just want to have fun, whats so god damn bad about wanting to hang out with them and just be friends? they act as if they never did such things...FUCK im just so annoyed by it, it really gets under my skin. Then they make fun of me, and say i stress over all the wrongs things, and blah blah about hes not even yer bf....It makes me feel really bad hearing those things, they think as if its nothing, when actually it makes me real sad. I dont know what to do. I DONT. |
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| over it. |
[Jun. 25th, 2007|12:15 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | hotel room | ] |
| [ | |
| | melancholy | ] |
| [ | this place is a prison |
| | nada | ] |
im tired of being the fool...tired just fuckin being me... i have thee lowest self esteem, and i hate it, nothing helps it, im soo just FUCK. I hate this feeling.......................................so much so fuckin much = ( feel like just crying.... i cant help it, i really cant i hate feelings and how it takes complete control. FUCK IT ALL |
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|
| update |
[May. 14th, 2007|09:41 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | room. | ] |
| [ | |
| | crappy | ] |
| [ | this place is a prison |
| | bbd | ] |
this year wasnt the best, could have been better if i woulda kept my priorities straight. Learned From my mistakes, gotta redeem myself for my own sake. 10th grade was stressful, but it was all preserverence, i got thru it and ended up on top, here i am in 11th grade, not close to where i wanna be, bullshits been getting in the way, mentality all fucked up, not in the right state of mind. Glad ive paused and reflected, so i could get right back on track, im tooo damn smart, too fuckin wise to be where im at with things, its been about 5 months since me and HIm have been over, its kinda wierd, ill admit at times i catch myself calling him..missing him..wantin that comfort, but its not fair to me and most importantly not to him. We both did our wrongs, and the best thing now is just to let go and move on. Hes talking to other girls, as well as im talking to others. For a sec i considered myself stupid, for the poor choices and actions ive done, but im only human, and realized i didnt do what the common ppl do, and thats fuck ppl for attention,i could have done all those things, and hoped he woulda gave me the time of day if i did, but i didnt. I havent been completely myself, thought changing my attitude/personality a bit would be for the good, but eh come to realize im perfectly fine the way i am, the way i was. On another note, i miss Audrey so much......time i swear, i hate time, 1 year.......how is that? i love you baby girl wherever you are.
the end. |
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| hurt. |
[May. 7th, 2007|09:36 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | room. | ] |
| [ | |
| | crushed | ] |
| [ | this place is a prison |
| | brenton wood | ] |
time changes everything.... and feelings and things in between. WHy do we hurt others, i dont plan it, never wanted to, it just happens. Ive changed, my mentality......everything. Im not responsible for other ppl's feelings, ugh i moved on, he's obviously still stuck in the past..its not my fault, I lost intrest, lost feelings,i didnt want to move on, but he provoked it.fuck honesty. = [ |
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|
| lalalala land. |
[May. 6th, 2007|11:49 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | bed | ] |
| [ | |
| |  optimistic | ] |
| [ | this place is a prison |
| | richie valens. | ] |
4am visits this weeknd, were priceless....... i had so much fun. Im happy =-)
nuff of that im tireddd.. mimis time. |
|
|
| self explanatory. |
[May. 3rd, 2007|11:48 pm] |
| [ | |
| | blah | ] |
im not asking for my way, but i wont do it you're way,meet me here half way, because i would sure hate to hit the high way.........................
TO:
FRM: |
|
|
| up in the clouds.... |
[Apr. 29th, 2007|09:02 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | room. | ] |
| [ | |
| | optimistic | ] |
| [ | this place is a prison |
| | sean kingston-beautiful girls | ] |
im happpy.... i realized alot in just a few minutes... its really got a hold of me. What can i say? thru all the things ive been thru, ive realized that 0ne... is the one that makes me weak.
i feeeeeeeeeeeeel GOOOOOOOOOOOOD!
ps, im gonna looose weight, im tired of being fat, ppl say im not but seriously im not comfortable with myself. |
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