sesame smeshame

so much.

2008-10-07T07:31:57Z

has happend...its a lil too late for me to mention it all...i'll doo it 2maro.

but once again a sad post.

it sucks when all you wanted, all you try'd and were determined for...ended up in somebody elses hands.
I swore i was over it. and now that its official together, my heart just broke...blah............... i hate how i dwell so much on him, its been way too fucking long for this kid shit. I have so much more positive things/ppl to look forward too...i wish i wasnt human and didnt feel so much.

another girl's taking my credit, getting all i wanted...really sucks. and tears me in fucking two.
now that im loosing all my weight, and having so much going for myself, i'd figure he would have considered me, but nonetheless i never did match his expectations or ideal girl.

my self-confidence is once again shot down. i hate this side of me, im fresh im 18, yet dwelling on bullshit.

on a positive note, my official driving test is 2maro...wish me luuuck =]]

peace out lj!

im over myself..

2008-03-11T04:23:00Z

no more eating.. im disgusted of my weight...blah insecurities to the max!

mybatteryrandry @ 2008-02-06T19:21:00

2008-02-07T03:30:55Z

i just dont really care at all anYMORE.

ughhhhhh
dreading the fuk out of everything!
seriously...
Andrews a bitch, everyones a bitch..wat the fuck is new?!

i appplied too

2007-12-02T21:49:28Z

UCSB, CSULB, UCI,UCR,CSUN....and LMU...
shhhit will c what happen =]

blah

2007-12-02T21:47:03Z

i fucking hate sundays..there boring and lame. I wanna head off to the mall... my fucking mom and sister are ridiculously stupid... i dont want nething to do with them anymore. I hate them both, pieces of shit can never do anything for me, i hate thi shit.

i need new friends, new fam, and a new life.

FUK

2007-10-14T02:28:37Z

does it get ne boring!! its such a drag being hommmmmmmmmmmmmmmme!
blah, anyways today me and my sister faught...tell me about it! BULLLSHIT, fukn bitch man she made my lip swell and bleed. I just wanna go out and feeel fucking goood!.

sighhhhhh

2007-08-08T05:16:28Z

im about 17yrs old already...its starting to kik in...im almost an adult, im almost in college,and most of all im scared. Ive been waiting and waiting for this moment, this time, to be a SENIOR period....its all comming so fast....time can u slow down? let me breathe.
andrews....getting to me =x stoppppppppppppppppppp.
slow you're roll. Snap out of it, just a daze.

comfort

2007-08-07T05:33:51Z

oh how i miss it....where are u?!

melancholy

2007-07-21T07:17:21Z

whats wrong with me?...insecurities never fail...always stuck in the same mode.. i fuck up things so much,god i have this tendency to push whoever or whatever away from me, and i dont even realize it...i dont blame him for the grudges he has against me...i was real immature when he met me.....blah have i not redeemed myself? i swear i love him.
= [....i just said love. this feeling around him is just inevitable......but he makes things clear, i dont even gotta ask.

andrews .....in my thoughts alot...randomly.. wierd...maybe hes thinkin about me.

blahawh

slap me

hurt.

2007-06-28T07:18:49Z

self explanatory
thats it im done.. no more.

blah

2007-06-26T19:44:43Z

i just feel like shit...on daily bases. I hate this... honestly feel like somethings wrong with me.
stress stresss stress.

mybatteryrandry @ 2007-06-26T00:21:00

2007-06-26T07:21:49Z

im stupid...nuff said.

updating once again.

2007-06-26T07:18:37Z

just arrived back...not in the best of moods, but then again when is anybody? not really sure....i guess theres just those days when things dont go exactly as planned, and you just feel like shit. Im upset, i did nothng to her and she just yells at me as if i did. I hate how i get lectured on stupid shit...about getting pregnant...fucking around with boys. its fucking ridiculous, i already know my wrongs from rights..etc etc and im always treated as if i dont know, when actually I DO. Im basically fucking 17 i just want to have fun, whats so god damn bad about wanting to hang out with them and just be friends? they act as if they never did such things...FUCK im just so annoyed by it, it really gets under my skin. Then they make fun of me, and say i stress over all the wrongs things, and blah blah about hes not even yer bf....It makes me feel really bad hearing those things, they think as if its nothing, when actually it makes me real sad. I dont know what to do. I DONT.

over it.

2007-06-25T07:18:15Z

im tired of being the fool...tired just fuckin being me... i have thee lowest self esteem, and i hate it, nothing helps it, im soo just FUCK. I hate this feeling.......................................so much so fuckin much = ( feel like just crying.... i cant help it, i really cant i hate feelings and how it takes complete control. FUCK IT ALL

sigh......

2007-05-16T06:11:33Z

update

2007-05-15T04:43:20Z

this year wasnt the best, could have been better if i woulda kept my priorities straight. Learned From my mistakes, gotta redeem myself for my own sake. 10th grade was stressful, but it was all preserverence, i got thru it and ended up on top, here i am in 11th grade, not close to where i wanna be, bullshits been getting in the way, mentality all fucked up, not in the right state of mind. Glad ive paused and reflected, so i could get right back on track, im tooo damn smart, too fuckin wise to be where im at with things, its been about 5 months since me and HIm have been over, its kinda wierd, ill admit at times i catch myself calling him..missing him..wantin that comfort, but its not fair to me and most importantly not to him. We both did our wrongs, and the best thing now is just to let go and move on. Hes talking to other girls, as well as im talking to others. For a sec i considered myself stupid, for the poor choices and actions ive done, but im only human, and realized i didnt do what the common ppl do, and thats fuck ppl for attention,i could have done all those things, and hoped he woulda gave me the time of day if i did, but i didnt. I havent been completely myself, thought changing my attitude/personality a bit would be for the good, but eh come to realize im perfectly fine the way i am, the way i was. On another note, i miss Audrey so much......time i swear, i hate time, 1 year.......how is that? i love you baby girl wherever you are.
the end.

hurt.

2007-05-08T05:00:15Z

time changes everything.... and feelings and things in between. WHy do we hurt others, i dont plan it, never wanted to, it just happens. Ive changed, my mentality......everything. Im not responsible for other ppl's feelings, ugh i moved on, he's obviously still stuck in the past..its not my fault, I lost intrest, lost feelings,i didnt want to move on, but he provoked it.fuck honesty. = [

lalalala land.

2007-05-07T06:51:25Z

4am visits this weeknd, were priceless....... i had so much fun. Im happy =-)
nuff of that im tireddd.. mimis time.

self explanatory.

2007-05-04T06:51:20Z

im not asking for my way, but i wont do it you're way,meet me here half way, because i would sure hate to hit the high way.........................

TO:

FRM:

up in the clouds....

2007-04-30T04:13:11Z

im happpy.... i realized alot in just a few minutes... its really got a hold of me. What can i say? thru all the things ive been thru, ive realized that 0ne... is the one that makes me weak.

i feeeeeeeeeeeeel GOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

ps, im gonna looose weight, im tired of being fat, ppl say im not but seriously im not comfortable with myself.

drag.

2007-04-26T01:33:10Z

i like him................................

mybatteryrandry @ 2007-04-24T15:35:00

2007-04-24T23:02:32Z

soo i havent written here in quite some time, 4 weeks ago or so? not sure. Time's just going by extremely fast, been feeling so fuckin lonesome lately, i dont know what to really say anymore? i go to school, come home,do work, sleep, go to school... same fuckin routine everyday.. i havent talked to that bitch in about 3 weeks, trust me i could hold a grudge, but im over what she did, and frankly i dont gotta be affiiliated with bitches like that, i dont need these so called friends runnin their mouths about me, trying to get me caught up, cuz shit little do these bitches know how i do, always trying to put me down n shit because there insecure about themselves. I smoke i drink so fucking what? i do what i do, and i still manage to be smarter and better than most and even you. High school... time of you're life when you experience all the bullshit PPl have to offer, lies,cheats......i swear this world is so fucked. Think about it, know about it... all ppl do is try to put you down left and right, ppl cant stand others being happy..those are the ppl you call worthless and fucking pathetic, they put up a fuckin front every god damn day of their lives because they dont know how to act, the ppl who lie about everything, because they dont even trust themselves, and dont know what fuckin reality or truth is, and trust.Now tell me, do i really need friends at all.

you're a liar, yet you swear up and down you're smart. You fail, but you think you're a winner. You Contradict yourself because you think its the right thing to do. You runn your mouth about me, yet deep down inside envy me. You say you're atheist, but you walk in a church. You say you're agnostic, yet you quote parts of the bible. You claim you wanna die early, yet you say how life is so wonderful and how many should appreciate. You say respect, but you disrespect most. You need god, becuz your hella fucked. You need to grow up, lil girl you're lost. You front, because you dont attract attention. You pack yourself with makeup, because you think you'd look better. You tell me im perfect, when you bitch how you're so fat, and how in reality you look anorexic. In all means, id never wanna be you, never tryd to be like you, unlike me you continue to try to be me, from style, to attitude, reality is you'll never be me, ever amount to me. funny how its all you nadia. Like you say, STAND YOU'RE FUCKING GROUND, SPEAK YOUR MIND...lying dont get chu there.

mybatteryrandry @ 2007-04-08T00:14:00

2007-04-08T07:15:01Z

fuck everybodyyyyyyyyyy.

2007-04-08T06:52:33Z

im so over it, over it all... i dont understand this fuckin world, ppl are so hypocritical, ignorant, and pathetic. Never once have i been proved wrong NEVER, my so called best friend lied to my face, and try'd to get me caught me up... how fucking stupid right? gosh man ppl swear like i dont see through them like i dont notice shit? psh i can read ppl like books with out the fuckin script, its not the fact that she tryd to get me caught up, just the whole point that she lied to my face, stupid fucking bitch is all she is... when we first talked i told her dont lie/bullshit me i dont tolerate ne of it, god man i have no friends everyones artifical...honesty is a fuckin bitch, something that we wont ever experience.
this world is fucked, and should be learned.
i hate her, every single girl that was a friend of mines has always back stabbed me, and done me dirty, fuck all of them, the only one who didnt is gone =/

why her???

2007-03-28T03:59:25Z

i dont understand it, i cant believe it, im so fuckin devasted over it. I cant help but just cry and cry and question why audrey, why her! this fucking life cycle we live by, i swear man she gave me so much hope that there were good ppl out there, she was one of the many FEW good ppl in this world. I always told her how id admire her, i still admire her, i will always........i miss her so much,she was real, she was a friend, she is just amazing.